From the Offbeat desk
Offbeat
The news, fully digested. Our published Offbeat stories, newest first.
NICKI MINAJ INTERVIEWS FOR PRESS SECRETARY
White House comms director Steven Cheung filmed a mock press secretary job interview with Nicki Minaj aboard Air Force One and posted it like a casting call. Hours later at a Michigan rally, Trump told the crowd about her backside and asked her to stand up. Nobody has actually been given the job.
FLORIDA MAN ATE $769,500 IN TIFFANY DIAMONDS AND THE COPS JUST WAITED HIM OUT
A guy talked his way into Tiffany's VIP room in Orlando by claiming he repped an Orlando Magic player, grabbed $769,500 in diamond earrings, and swallowed them when troopers pulled him over. Investigators then spent twelve days waiting for nature to return the inventory. A jury convicted him last week, and the getaway
FLORIDA COP DID A WELFARE CHECK AND COMMITS IDENTITY THEFT
A Lauderhill officer found a 71-year-old man dead on a 2022 welfare check, then allegedly took over the house and spent $214,000 fixing it up in the dead man's name. His stated defense is that he was protecting the property from squatters. We have notes on who exactly was squatting.
MINNESOTA FARMER COMBINES HIS CORN AND FINDS AN 11-FOOT SCORCHED METAL DOME
A farmer in Stevens County, Minnesota was harvesting corn when he found an 11-foot charred metal dome sitting in the field. The sheriff's official description is "presumably a space object," and he says the federal agencies who showed up aren't telling him much. The leading theory is a Chinese rocket stage that came do
FLORIDA MAN DRIVES TO CIA HEADQUARTERS TO APPLY FOR A JOB THAT DOES NOT EXIST
A 31-year-old from Orlando pulled up to CIA headquarters at 5:45 in the morning with a pocketknife, two cans of mace and a fake federal ID. He told officers he was there to become the "Speaker of the CIA," which is not a job. Six CIA cops disagreed about his candidacy.
SANTA CRUZ COPS HAVE CHASED TWO DIFFERENT ESCAPED EMUS IN ONE WEEK
Santa Cruz had two loose emus in one week, from two different owners. CHP handled the first one near Harper Street, then sheriff's deputies spent Saturday night luring the second off the road with treats. The sheriff's office went out of its way to confirm it was a different bird.
ONE ROTTED $20 FROM THE D.B. COOPER RANSOM JUST SOLD FOR $134,200
A single twenty from the D.B. Cooper ransom sold for $134,200 at Heritage Auctions. It is a half-decomposed scrap that an 8-year-old dug out of a riverbank in 1980, and somebody paid 6,710 times face value for it. We run the math on what Cooper's whole bag would be worth if he had just sat on it.
NEBRASKA IS SELLING 103-YEAR-OLD PISS TROUGHS FOR $3,000
Memorial Stadium is getting a $600 million gut job, so Nebraska is selling the old men's room urinal troughs to fans for $3,000 each. Seven of the thirty are gone, which is $21,000 in used plumbing. We go through the specs, the suggested uses, and the sales pitch, which is somehow real.
MIAMI CUSTOMS FINDS TEN LIVE BIRDS IN A MAN'S UNDERWEAR
A guy off a Havana flight got flagged at Miami International for a bulge, and the pat-down turned up six taped tubes of live songbirds sewn into his underwear. Ten birds, eight grassquits and two federally protected grosbeaks. His explanation to federal officers was that they were for personal use.
86-YEAR-OLD BUSTED AT 110 IN A 45 SAYS THE CORVETTE STARTED IT
An 85-year-old in Leesburg got clocked at 110 in a 45 last June with a cigarillo in his mouth, telling the deputy he was just out enjoying his favorite car. He's 86 now, he pleaded no contest, and he's down a year of his license and more than $7,000. He still says the Corvette started it.
MANHATTAN SEWER CRAWLERS STRIKE AGAIN
Three men climbed into a Hamilton Heights manhole just before 1 a.m. Sunday and were gone by the time cops arrived. It's the latest in a months-long run of New Yorkers disappearing into the sewer system, and the official explanation is that storms wash valuables into the drains. We go through what police actually have,
MIAMI MAN CHANGES INTO AMAZON ICE COSTUME, COLLECTS FELONIES
A 46-year-old voted in Brazil's presidential election at a Miami college, went to his car, and came back in a full ICE getup he bought on Amazon so he could film people reacting. The campus was already full of plainclothes Homeland Security detectives. He is now facing voter intimidation and bribery charges, and his de
GUY ARRESTED BACKSTAGE AT DISNEY
Orange County deputies say a 37-year-old Lakeland man sent explicit images to a detective posing as a 13-year-old on Snapchat. They arrested him in Disney World's restricted backstage area behind EPCOT. Disney's only comment was that he does not work there, which leaves the obvious question wide open.
MAN SKIPS HIS DELTA FLIGHT TO STEAL A JET TUG, CRASH IT, AND GO AFTER AMERICAN'S TOILET TRUCK
A guy waiting on a Delta flight to Seattle at John Wayne Airport decided to go a different direction, out a door at Gate 12 and onto the tarmac. He stole an Alaska Airlines tug, crashed it near Gate 7, then went for American's lavatory truck before police got him. Three airlines, one evening, almost.
CHARLOTTE COPS PULLED OVER A COUCH, AND THE COUCH HAD TWO DRIVERS
Charlotte police stopped two guys riding a love seat balanced on two Lime scooters down South Tryon Street, then posted the photo with a safety lecture. The unit that caught them was built for nightlife violence. We get into the engineering, the dad energy, and the part where nobody will say if anyone got a ticket.
FOUR BLACK BEARS THREW A POOL PARTY IN THE ANGELES NATIONAL FOREST
A wildlife photographer's trail cam caught four black bears in a pool in the Angeles National Forest. Three cubs splashing and wrestling, one adult trying to soak quietly and getting nowhere. He had walked past the same bears less than an hour before they got in the water.
MAN DOES JET SKI DOUGHNUTS THROUGH BANGKOK STREETS
Bangkok declared a citywide disaster on Saturday. On Sunday a 27-year-old took a jet ski onto a flooded main road and did doughnuts past people floating around in paddling pools. He was in court the next morning, and his legal defense was that he studied abroad.
GROWN MAN LOSES A WRESTLING MATCH TO AN EMU IN THE MIDDLE OF A DEVON ROAD, ALPACA WATCHES
A man in Salcombe tried to hand-wrangle an escaped emu on a public road. The emu put him on the pavement and then walked home on its own schedule, with an alpaca watching the whole thing from the gate. A passing driver filmed it instead of helping, which was the correct call.
BARN OWL STOWAWAY ON A BRITISH ARMY RACING YACHT
A wild barn owl tried to board the British Army's race boat 70 miles off the coast, missed a sailor's head, and fell off the mast into the ocean three times before the crew finally caught her in a towel. They named her Little Reg, then checked, then made it Little Regina. The skipper's only complaint was the headcount
FLORIDA MAN OFFERS 5 GRAND TO KILL HIS NEIGHBOR
A 69-year-old in Clermont was one day from walking out of jail on a drone-feud assault case. Deputies say he spent that last week trying to hire a cellmate to kill the neighbor who witnessed it, for $5,000 up front. The cellmate took notes and handed them to a jail supervisor.