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NFL FINES A GUY WHO DOESN'T DRINK BEER $14,926 FOR PRETENDING TO DRINK A BEER
Kyle Juszczyk caught a pass in the third quarter against Miami, mimed drinking something, and the league mailed him a bill for $14,926. The letter informed him that his "imitation of chugging a beer constituted an offensive demonstration" and could be seen as poor taste, citing Rule 12, Section 3, Article 1. A grown man swallowed air. The NFL priced the air at fifteen grand. Here's the part the league never bothered to check. Juszczyk's nickname is Juice, fans have chanted it at him for years, and he has been doing a version of that celebration his whole run in San Francisco without a peep from anybody. He also says he doesn't drink beer, maybe five times a year in the offseason, usually because George Kittle peer pressures him. Kittle's response was to announce the team had voted to change the nickname to Beer. Juszczyk then put a container wrapped in white paper on his locker shelf with NOT BEER written on it. He wasn't the only one. Colts guard Matt Goncalves got docked $8,847 after Tyler Warren handed him the football and he pretended to pop the top off it. All of this from a league that sells beer in every stadium and runs beer ads between the whistles. Juszczyk is appealing, and he should, because Week 1 already cost him $20,033 for a helmet block in Australia.
FLORIDA MAN OFFERS 5 GRAND TO KILL HIS NEIGHBOR
David Butka, 69, of Clermont was a day away from walking out of the Lake County Jail. He landed there after a July 22 incident tied to what the affidavit calls an ongoing civil issue over his drone, when a witness told deputies he yelled at a neighbor and threw a rock at their vehicle. He pleaded no contest to aggravated assault. Court and release were set for September 17. Instead, deputies say he went shopping. On or about September 7 or 8, per the affidavit, he approached another inmate and solicited him to kill that neighbor, telling him he had roughly $1.3 million in the bank and would pay $5,000 up front. The two had never met before jail. He allegedly supplied the victim's first name, address, phone number, physical description, morning schedule and directions to the house, then handed over his credit card info, which the inmate's wife used to put $300 in the guy's commissary account. Impressive logistics from a man who priced a homicide at five grand. The inmate wrote it all down and walked the notes to a jail supervisor on September 16, one day before Butka was due to go home. He got booked on solicitation to commit first degree murder. The sheriff's office says there's no clear motive beyond anger and revenge, and points out the inmate he picked wasn't in for anything violent. Bond on the new charge is set at $25,000.
REBELS TAKE THREE AIRPORTS, ETHIOPIAN AIRLINES BLAMES THE 'CURRENT SITUATION'
Tigrayan forces walked into the airports at Mekelle, Axum and Shire on Wednesday and took the small group of federal police guarding them prisoner. Ethiopian Airlines then canceled every flight to all three, citing "the current situation in the Tigray region." The current situation is a war, but sure, log it as a scheduling issue. Both sides are running the same play, which is insisting the other guy started it. Getachew Reda, an adviser to Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed, says the TPLF launched an all-out offensive on government positions in Afar and Amhara. Tigray's regional government says it entered a "defensive war" after federal aircraft, drones and artillery hit it on Tuesday. Fighting in the Afar towns of Abala and Erebti is confirmed. The Amhara claims are not, so everybody is picking the version that flatters them. None of this fell out of the sky. On Sunday the TPLF announced it had joined six other armed groups in something called the Ethiopian Peoples' Forces Alliance for Survival, whose stated goal is removing Abiy. The African Union, headquartered in Addis Ababa, asked for immediate de-escalation and condemned the detention of the federal personnel. The US ambassador called the fighting a "poor decision" and brought up sanctions. Abiy has a 2019 Nobel Peace Prize on a shelf somewhere while seven armed groups organize to throw him out.
MORTGAGE RATES HIT 7.45% BECAUSE BOND TRADERS JUST FELT LIKE SELLING
The average 30-year fixed mortgage hit 7.45% on Thursday, according to Mortgage News Daily, up 19 basis points from 7.26% the day before and the highest reading since April 2024. Back at the end of February that same rate was 5.99%. Seven months. That is the entire shelf life of a sub 6% mortgage in this economy. The best part is why. Mortgage News Daily COO Matthew Graham said there was no obvious catalyst for the afternoon bond selloff, that explanations require concocting narratives, and that sellers decided to sell, a lot. So the price of the largest purchase of your life moved on a collective mood in the bond pit. The setup underneath it is real enough. The 10-year Treasury yield, which mortgage rates loosely track, topped 5.1% Wednesday for a 19-year high, then added another 10 basis points Thursday to clear 5.2%, with the Fed hiking last week, oil elevated on the Iran war, and economic data running hot. Freddie Mac also put out a number Thursday morning, 7.03%, its fifth straight weekly rise, but that one averages the previous week, so it was stale before anyone read it. MarketWatch talked to analysts who now say 8% is not an impossibility, a level the daily surveys last printed in 2023. Zillow economist Kara Ng noted the Treasury turmoil is blowing up plans for buyers trying to close out the 2026 season.
THE WHITE SOX LOST 121 GAMES TWO YEARS AGO AND JUST CLINCHED A PLAYOFF SPOT
In 2024 the White Sox went 41-121, the worst record of the modern era, with a run differential of minus-306. Last year they cut it down to 102 losses and called that progress. On Thursday they beat the Royals 9-1 in Kansas City and clinched a playoff berth at 82-77, the first team in baseball history to make the postseason right after back-to-back 100-loss seasons. They had three in a row. The game ended early. Royals starter Randy Dobnak threw wide of first on a bunt, then later threw to nobody covering the bag, and it was 6-0 after two innings. Rookie David Sandlin gave up one run over six with a career-high seven strikeouts against the club that drafted him out of Oklahoma four years ago. Kyle Teel homered, reached base five times and scored three. Then they just shook hands. AP reported the Sox formed a handshake line like it was a midsummer matinee and saved the party for the plastic-draped visiting clubhouse, where the Moet stacked up and Miguel Vargas got soaked. Andrew Benintendi had told the Sun-Times before the game he was ready to pop bottles, which is fair for a team that opened the season at 16-1 to make the playoffs, the second-longest odds in the sport behind Colorado. They are a half-game behind Cleveland with three at home against the Rockies. The Cubs clinched the same afternoon, the first time both Chicago teams ever clinched on the same day.
Sources (3)
- espn.com - White Sox clinch playoff berth after back-to-back 100-loss seasons
- cbssports.com - White Sox clinch playoff berth: Why MLB's biggest surprise could go all the way to the World Series
- sports.yahoo.com - White Sox beat Royals to clinch first playoff berth in 5 years, complete turnaround after 3 straight 100-loss seasons
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