MELANIA TRUMP BROKERED A CEASEFIRE AND THE PRESIDENT DIDN'T BOTHER TO SHOW UP

For six days in late October the shooting stopped around Oleshky, a Russian-occupied city in Kherson, and by the First Lady's count nearly 800 people got out. The person who set that up was Melania Trump, who says she personally went through demining plans, aerial images, roadways and hospital access. Her husband said in October that she "does better than our professionals," a sentence the State Department now has to live with. Thursday she put Putin's envoy Kirill Dmitriev and Ukrainian party leader Davyd Arakhamia in the same room at the White House. Dmitriev handed her a child's drawing reading "I love Melania," then mentioned the girl chose to live with her family in Russia, which is a hell of a thing to slip into a thank-you card. Zelenskyy sent over the Order of Princess Olha. The President skipped the whole thing, met Dmitriev privately instead, and said flatly that he did not meet the Ukrainians. The numbers depend entirely on who's holding the microphone. Melania says nearly 800. Russia's Yana Lantratova said 750 had the chance to leave and far fewer actually did. Both sides agreed not to disclose who went where. And Ukraine's General Staff says Russia spent the quiet week rotating troops and hauling in ammunition.

Why you should give a shit: Trilateral talks move to the UAE next week, and the uncomfortable truth is that six quiet days in one city is the biggest thing anyone on this payroll has gotten both sides to agree to, and it took the one person who isn't on it.