MIAMI CUSTOMS FINDS TEN LIVE BIRDS IN A MAN'S UNDERWEAR

Alberto Hernandez Castillo, a legal permanent resident, landed at Miami International on Oct. 4 on World Atlantic Flight 503 out of Havana and got picked for secondary inspection. Officers went through his carry-on and his fanny pack and found nothing. Then they looked a little lower. The report notes an unexplained bulge near his waist and pelvis, and that he seemed nervous, which is the correct amount of nervous for a man wearing an aviary. The pat-down turned up six plastic tubes wrapped in tape with black mesh over the openings, tucked into black pockets sewn into his underwear. Inside were 10 live birds: eight yellow-faced grassquits and two blue grosbeaks, which are protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918. This was not a spur of the moment decision. Somebody sat down with a needle and thread and built custom bird housing into a pair of briefs. He had checked "No" on every customs question about bringing in animals or wildlife. Asked about the birds, he said they were for "personal use," then invoked his right to remain silent. He was charged with smuggling goods into the U.S., and Fish and Wildlife is investigating too. He is out on a $25,000 bond with arraignment set for Oct. 26.

Why you should give a shit: Songbird trafficking through Miami is a real federal crime with real prison attached, which means on Oct. 26 a judge has to sit there and listen to a grown man explain that ten smuggled birds were for personal use.