FLORIDA MAN DRIVES TO CIA HEADQUARTERS TO APPLY FOR A JOB THAT DOES NOT EXIST

At 5:45 a.m. on Oct. 15, Corbin Collins Rodier, 31, of Orlando, pulled up to the visitor control center at CIA headquarters in McLean, Virginia, and started unloading bags and boxes from the back seat and trunk while other cars were trying to get in. He did this in a restricted traffic lane. A CIA officer watching the security cameras noticed, which is the easiest shift that officer will ever work. When officers walked over, Rodier handed them what looked like a Department of Veterans Affairs identification card, then produced a Florida driver's license. Prosecutors say the first one was phony. He told officers he had come because he wanted to be the "Speaker of the CIA." There is no Speaker of the CIA. There is a director, appointed by the president and confirmed by the Senate, and the application does not begin with parking wrong at dawn. On him: a pocketknife, a multipurpose tool and two cans of mace, brought to an agency that has a drone program. It took six CIA police officers to get him into handcuffs. He now faces four federal misdemeanor charges in U.S. District Court in Alexandria, including trespassing, failure to comply with officers, resisting or impeding federal officers, and possessing a false federal identification badge.

Why you should give a shit: A laminated fake badge is a genuine federal charge, and the only position he campaigned his way into is defendant.