THIEVES TOOK 30 TONS OF WALNUTS OUT OF THE BRONX

New York State Police say that on Monday, March 2, roughly 60,000 pounds of shelled walnuts worth about $50,000 were stolen from two 52-foot trailers in the Hunts Point section of the Bronx. Thirty tons. Out of the neighborhood that feeds most of New York City. Cops have been very specific about what left and very quiet about everything else. The shipment was palletized boxes of packaged walnuts headed for commercial distribution. Investigators have not said what time it happened, how the trailers were opened, or how anybody moved 30 tons of snack food through the Bronx without one person asking a single question. Troopers did go out of their way to note that cargo theft is serious and wrecks supply chains, which is true and also exactly what you say when you have no suspects. Run the numbers and this crew committed a felony for about 83 cents a pound, before the split. Now they have to find buyers for 30 tons of nuts. State police are asking food distributors and vendors to report anyone pushing large quantities of packaged walnuts at prices well below market value, so the official red flag for organized crime in New York right now is a walnut that seems too affordable. Tips go to Troop NYC at (212) 459-7800.

Why you should give a shit: Thirty tons of stolen walnuts are being shopped around the city at a discount right now, so the suspiciously cheap nuts in your next deli muffin are, legally speaking, evidence.