JAY-Z SPENT SEVEN YEARS PICKING THE HALFTIME ACT AND FINALLY PICKED HIMSELF

Apple Music, the NFL and Roc Nation announced Monday night, during halftime of Cowboys-Eagles, that Jay-Z will headline the Super Bowl LXI halftime show on Feb. 14, 2027 at SoFi Stadium in Inglewood. Roc Nation has advised on and helped produce the show since 2019, which means the search committee was one man, the finalist was that same man, and the interview went great. The funny part is how hard he fought it. In 2019 he said he told Goodell, "If this is about me performing at the Super Bowl, then we can just end this conversation now." He told the New York Times in 2020 that the league had earlier floated him headlining if he brought Rihanna and Kanye West along, and he passed on principle. Seven years of producer credits later, the moment feels right. Goodell, for his part, says that was always the ask, that his one request when the Roc Nation deal closed was that Jay-Z take the stage himself someday. Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber were reportedly in the mix, and TMZ had Harry Styles in the running. All three lost to the guy holding the pen. Apple Music broke the news with a black-and-white spot of Jay-Z in an empty stadium surrounded by actual goats, captioned "GOAT's out of the bag," because subtlety costs extra.

Why you should give a shit: The man who decides who gets the biggest stage in American television finally awarded it to a 25-time Grammy winner with a spotless résumé and zero conflicts of interest, and on Valentine's Day you are watching it instead of talking to your date.