APPLE WANTS $299 FOR A KITCHEN SCREEN THAT SCANS YOUR FACE AND CAN'T RUN APPS

Apple spent years letting Amazon and Google own the kitchen counter, and on Tuesday it finally showed up. HomeView is a $299 smart display with a square 7-inch screen, an A18 chip, and a camera that recognizes up to six people in the house by face. Your Messages and Calendar only show up when it sees your face and your unlocked iPhone is nearby. It's also the first launch outside of iPhones for new CEO John Ternus, who took over from Tim Cook at the start of September. Hell of a debut, except for one detail: the conversational Siri AI running the whole thing is technically still in beta. Three hundred bucks for a counter ornament fronted by software with training wheels on. There's no App Store either, so it controls your house and not much else. The wall-mounted version is the same $299, plus a mount starting at $59.95. And it isn't launching in the European Union at all, because of the Siri AI requirements, with Apple saying it's "working constructively with the EU" to find a path forward. Translation: the regulators read the privacy pitch and asked follow-up questions.

Why you should give a shit: Three hundred bucks buys you a beta assistant with no App Store, but whoever wins your kitchen counter owns every lock, thermostat and doorbell you buy for the next ten years.