LONG ISLAND WOMAN GETS WORLD'S WORST 47TH BIRTHDAY GIFT

Danielle Tammone woke up on September 17 and turned 47. She then walked across her backyard in Bohemia, New York, the lawn gave out, and she dropped about eight feet into the ground. The hole was an old stone cesspool nobody knew was there, which is the Long Island homeowner surprise nobody puts in the listing. She landed in muddy water on a pile of sod, tried to climb out, and the stone kept crumbling down on her. Her golden retriever Daisy circled the opening, providing the precise amount of help a golden retriever provides. "It's my birthday," Tammone told CBS New York. "(Thought) This might be my death date." Two neighbors she had never met heard the screaming. Their first theory was that she was stuck in the shed, because nobody's opening guess is underground. They found her, called 911, and told her to keep yelling so crews could locate the hole. Firefighters ran a ladder down through mud, water and roots and got her out after roughly 30 minutes. Standing there in a yard with a fresh pit in it, they all sang her happy birthday. She walked away with whiplash and pulled muscles, which for a woman who spent half an hour in a collapsing sewage pit is fortunate.

Why you should give a shit: If your house is older than your parents, that nice flat patch of lawn might be a century-old cesspool with a grass lid, and the inspection report is you, falling.