FLORIDA COUPLE FINDS A SUPRISE UNDER THEIR BED

Police say Ritchel Calvaire, 25, of North Miami, had already been shown the door at the Provident Doral. He checked out August 31 and was told not to come back, then showed up two days later for belongings he'd left behind and got escorted off the property. So the ban was in place. The balcony fence, apparently, was not. On September 9 a couple checked in around 9 a.m., closed the blinds on the rear sliding glass door and went to sleep. Police allege Calvaire got over the fence, came in through that door, and, in the affidavit's words, "concealed himself stealthily" underneath their bed. The woman felt movement near the bed at 4 a.m. At 6:30 a.m. she felt it again, coming from under the bed. At 7:45 a.m. she looked down there for a misplaced belonging and found a whole adult man. The couple got out and went to hotel security. Officers found him still under the bed and arrested him on the spot. So, close to four hours of a grown man lying on hotel carpet inches from strangers, holding perfectly still, while they sleep... creepy. He's charged with burglary of an occupied dwelling, a second-degree felony in Florida carrying up to 15 years, plus resisting an officer without violence. He was booked into Turner Guilford Knight with bond to be set and declined to answer questions without a lawyer, the first smart move in the entire file. I don't think we will be hearing any "Free Ritchel" chants any time soon.

Why you should give a shit: The hotel's ban list stopped at the front desk while the balcony stayed wide open, so spend the ten seconds to look under the bed before you get in it.