FUGITIVE ROBS A HOUSE FOR A FIRE EXTINGUISHER, ENDS UP GETTING TASED IN THE OCEAN

Deputies clocked a Dodge SUV doing 63 in a 45 near Mile Marker 83 in Islamorada on Sept. 4. The driver, 28-year-old Brandon Lee May of East Liberty, Ohio, treated the traffic stop as optional and gunned it into a Publix parking lot, where the sheriff's office says he kept driving recklessly and endangering pedestrians. Then he abandoned the SUV and took off on foot. The foot chase is where it gets stupid. He tried to get into a plumbing business and couldn't, so he broke into a home instead and came out with a fire extinguisher, pin pulled, according to deputies. He armed himself with the one object in the house specifically built to calm situations down. He then hopped a fence onto Avocado Street, went through another residence, and jumped into the Gulfside water, which turned him into a slow-moving guy with nowhere to go and deputies standing on dry land. It took multiple Taser attempts before one landed. Deputies say he kicked and pulled away during the arrest and kept fighting at Mariners Hospital in Tavernier, then got moved to HCA Florida Kendall for a broken wrist. He's charged with fleeing and eluding while endangering pedestrians, armed burglary, grand theft, felon in possession of a firearm during a felony, resisting with and without violence, and driving on a suspended license. His passenger, Anthony Shane Morris, 28, of Islamorada, slid into the driver's seat and got booked as an accessory after the fact.

Why you should give a shit: He traded two handguns left in the SUV for a stolen fire extinguisher and a swim, and it bought him a broken wrist, a Florida felony sheet, and Ohio robbery and strangulation warrants still waiting their turn.