CALIFORNIA IS GETTING A FREE EXTRA FOOT OF OCEAN AND NOBODY CAN EVEN SURF IT

NOAA and NASA are tracking a Kelvin wave crawling up the coast from South America at around 6 mph, and it gets to California in October. It's a pulse of warm water thousands of miles wide that will raise sea level 6 to 12 inches, and you will not see a single thing happen. It doesn't crash. One scientist's entire summary of it: not a wave you can surf. Trade winds normally pile warm water up in the western Pacific. A strong El Niño weakened those winds, the pile got let go, and as NOAA's Nate Mantua put it, the water sloshes back toward California. Then it just sits there. Scientists say levels may not return to normal until spring 2027. A NOAA oceanographer called the full lineup a quintuple whammy: about 8 inches of sea-level rise already banked over the last century, a marine heat wave swelling the water, the Kelvin wave, high tides, and storms. October is the easy part, since fall tides are among the lowest of the year. The bill comes due with king tides from November through January, and this year the biggest ones land on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Prep is underway. Newsom declared a state of emergency, and Sausalito approved $250,000 that includes raising a flood-prone road by several inches, against a foot of ocean.

Why you should give a shit: An invisible foot of Pacific is moving in until spring 2027 and it RSVP'd for Thanksgiving and Christmas, which is when California finds out exactly which roads, homes and parking lots it built too close to the water. Great timing for the holidays!