AMERICA SAYS GOODBYE TO IRAQ AFTER 23 YEARS

US forces are off their last bases in Iraq by Wednesday, September 30, ending a 23-year military presence that began with the 2003 invasion and cost 4,500 American lives. Central Command confirmed there will be no ceremony open to the press. Twenty-three years, two wars, one occupation, and the exit gets less fanfare than a Best Buy closing. The pullout was agreed in 2024 under Biden and is being carried out by the Trump administration while the US is actively at war with Iran, which is the country most thrilled about it. A commander in the Islamic Resistance in Iraq, the umbrella group for Iran-backed factions, called the withdrawal a historic victory and a crushing defeat for the American project. Iran says its actual goal is pushing US forces out of the entire Middle East, and it just got one off the board. The other half of the deal is going worse. Prime Minister Ali al-Zaidi, a former businessman, promised Trump at the White House in July that he would have the militias disarmed by September 30. That date is now June 30, 2027. Step one is reportedly a 90-day pause on militia attacks, so the heavily armed groups have agreed to take a quarter off. Kurdish officials wanted the Americans to stay longer, a Sunni tribal leader in Fallujah said Iraq is not ready to run its own security file, and Iraqi officials are warning that ISIS sleeper cells are still sitting there.

Why you should give a shit: Every deadline in this deal slipped except the one where we leave, which means the US finished the war on schedule, just probably not by 2003 standards.