APPLE'S NEW CEO INTRODUCED HIMSELF BY ASKING YOU FOR TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS

John Ternus took over from Tim Cook on September 1, and eight days later he was on stage at the Steve Jobs Theater doing the old "one more thing" routine. What he pulled out was the iPhone Duo, Apple's first foldable, book-style phone with a 5.4-inch screen on the outside and a 7.6-inch screen inside. It starts at $1,999 for 256GB and climbs to $3,199 if you want 2TB. Preorders open October 16, it lands in stores October 23, and it comes in two colors called Star White and Night Sky, because "white" and "blue" don't move at two grand. Ternus also took a shot at the competition, saying rival foldables feel like "two phones awkwardly stuck together." Confident words from the company that watched Samsung sell folding phones for years before deciding the hinge was ready. Then the actual bill for normal people. The iPhone 18 Pro starts at $1,199 and the Pro Max at $1,299, each a hundred more than last year, blamed on a global memory shortage. Analysts had spent the summer warning about $200 or $300, so Apple gouging you by only one Benjamin now reads as restraint. One analyst noted that jacking up Pro prices makes the $1,999 foldable feel like a shorter leap. CNN passed along Apple's reminder that you can lease the thing. Wall Street was unmoved. AAPL closed down 0.28%.

Why you should give a shit: Apple just set the new ceiling for what a phone is allowed to cost, and every other manufacturer is going to hide behind it, so your next upgrade gets more expensive whether or not you ever fold a damn thing.